What Santa says, Santa gets.
At least that's been my experience.
So when he says he wants to write a blog about the run up to Christmas he means he tells me (Edward Elf) to type it in for him.
I tell you, for someone who delivers sledge loads of computers he's very technophobic.
Anyway, welcome to Santa's blog and let's get on with the things that are going on.
By the way please forgive us but we've been even busier than normal this year or we'd have started the blog in November with the party we have to mark the start of the sled load.
I know! I'll start there anyway. We've got a few days to catch up with this month anyway.
The Sledge Party
Not many people know about our Sledge Party. So let me explain.
All the toys, aftershaves, socks, gadgets and computers we make every year are put into big warehouses until we're ready to put them into Santa's Sledge.
Now you probably don't know this but Santa couldn't put every present he needs into just one sledge. In fact we have three sledges and two reserves.
What happens on Christmas night is that Santa buzzes around the world like a slightly rotund Superman in the first sledge. He dishes out the presents and then comes back to The North Pole for a pit stop.
Us elves always try and beat our best time for changing sledges. I remember that time was set way back when Santa first used Rudolf as the lead reindeer.
Then he's off with the second sledge and comes back for the 3rd sledge to deliver the final presents.
Anyway, for the whole of November we move the presents from the warehouses into sledges. Every year I grumble and say we should load the presents into the sledges as we go but Santa says "it's good for us to do a little work".
So days and days are spent dusting the presents with magic flying dust and then waving the magic candy cane to get the presents to fly to their assigned sledges. As you can imagine it's dusty work - but someone has to do it.
As a result by the end of November we're all as parched as a man who's been in the Sahara desert for two days without any water. And that's thirsty!
So as a special reward Santa and Mrs Claus put on a huge party for all us elves.
They drag the enormous folding table out from behind the piano in their house and set it up with lovely red and white fun fur trimmed table clothes in the biggest empty warehouse.
During almost the whole of November Mrs Claus has been making mince pies, jellies, sweets, cheese and sausage rolls and her own special crisps - they're great.
Santa meanwhile has been brewing up his special lemonade - with real lemons and too much sugar. But it tastes heavenly.
Big Ears and Noddy set-up a disco at the back of the warehouse and their friends, including Mr Plod, The Tweenies and Bob the Builder put lovely Christmas lights all over the roof so that it looks like stars are twinkling up in the sky.
Every warehouse has a beautiful deep pile red carpet - to protect the presents from accidental damage. The carpet this year has a gigantic Santa Claus logo showing Santa in a sledge flying across a roof with the words "We Deliver" picked out in gold.
On the 30th November, we're finished packing so we all rush down to the warehouse and see the tall and shapely tree Santa has put into one corner with all out own presents under it. It's great.
We all run to our seats (we've even got little place cards, but we ignore those) and just dig into the mince pies and jellies and swig back the Santa lemonade like it's going out of fashion.
At the top of the table Santa and Mrs Claus and the senior management elves look round and beam at us.
Every now and then one of us jumps up and reads a joke or puzzle from a cracker and we all fall about laughing - even when they're not as funny as they could be. But don't get me started on the Joke Machine - it's been on a go slow for about 200 hundred years and we can't shift it.
Then there's the Christmas games. I think my favourite must be musical chairs. Mind you with hundreds of elves playing it can make a racket and we've had the Easter Bunny complaining about the noise before now.
Finally after the games Noddy gets the disco off to a great start by asking Santa and Mrs Claus to dance the first dance.
This year Santa surprised us all with his foxtrot disco dance. When I commented on his twinkling toes he modestly said, "It's because I've been watching Come Dancing so much since last Christmas."
Half way through the dancing Santa shouts the magic words "Christmas Presents To Your Owners" and our presents disentagle themselves from udner the tree and fly to their owners.
I've learnt from experience not to be in the toilet when your present comes flying in.
My present was wonderful, as usual. Santa and Mrs Claus got me an MP3 player with all the really great Christmas carols on it. I can't wait to download my entire 78rpm record collection to it.
Finally at midnight we all thank each other for a job well done and make our weary way home to our beds were I for one fall fast asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.
